Prayer

I've been praying a lot lately. Frankly there's been much to pray for with sick friends, and families in tough situations, but I also continue to hound the gates of heaven with my asking for a child. Not a day goes by that I don't ask God for a child of my own, and I wonder how long will I have to wait? I pray all the time about it, and ask others to pray as well, but still I am here, with no baby in hand.
I have to admit prayer's been an interesting topic for me lately. Through all our trials and losses I have prayed...sometimes struggled to do so, but I have prayed. Sometimes it felt like it wasn't doing any good at all. Like I was firing off frustrations, asking in anguish and begging for strength in vain. Looking back now though, I realize my prayers were not in vain. I am here, I am sane, and I would actually say I'm stronger than I was 4 years ago. I have learned so much about myself; what it means to really have faith and trust, and I continue to learn things like what humility really looks like, and where hope comes from when all seems lost.
I realize I'm learning these things because I have opened myself up to do so through prayer. Not necessarily intentionally, mind you, I was mostly in survival mode. However as I have been reading a book by Jerry Sittser "When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayers," (a great read by the way), I am gaining a greater understanding about the nature of prayer.
In the chapter I'm reading right now Sittser discusses how prayer changes us. He points out "One of God's greatest answers to prayer isn't what He does for us, but what He does in us." So although God may not be answering my prayers exactly the way I am asking Him to, He is answering them none the less. Don't get me wrong, I still believe He wants us to ask Him for the things we want and need; I'm still asking for a baby every day, but I also am realizing that even if He doesn't answer my prayers exactly the way I ask, it doesn't mean I'm praying in vain. Prayer changes me, so I can then change things...for Him.
So even if I don't see the results of my prayer the way I want, I still ask, I still pray; because in the end it's not always what I'm asking for but who I am becoming that God answers.