You Just Never Know

The things that change us. It's never the things we think will, it doesn't seem to be the things we plan on. I'm finding true growth, true transformative experiences usually take you by surprise. Its not even an immediate realization that startles, its more like months or years gone by and in reflecting back you become more aware of where you been and how far you've come; and the things that got you there never seem to be the things you'd think should have. Often it's not even things you wanted to happen. How odd that it seems we grow far more in life from experiencing pain or trails than we do through our peaceful happy times, or structured times to grow, (say like studying). Not that those times aren't valuable too, they certainly are, but there is just something unique for lack of a better word, an unplanned "bump in the road." It seems to be the time when true charecter emerges and the shift in paradigm forces you to evaluate your feelings, your thoughts, your response.
I know I have mentioned it before, but I really do think (on my good days mind you) that even though these years of trail and loss were painful, they have made me a better person. Mind you I don't think I was a bad person to start out, but I feel like I have changed, I've grown in ways I never would have had we not lived through what we have. For someone who has been going to Sunday school and bible studies, for as long as I can remember, not too mention having 2 college degrees, it's confounding to me that the most growth I think I've ever experienced has been in these past several years. The crazier part is I didn't even know what was happening really until I reflected on it later. In the moment most times I was just thinking how do I move on from here, what do I do now, and what does this mean for me, for us.
I guess I'm realizing you just never know what God's going to do, but if you leave room for Him to do so, He often can surprise you; and in turn you may find you surprise yourself. I know that's certainly the case with me. God knew I could handle way more than I ever thought I could, and I'm willing to remain open to whatever may happen next too. Don't get me wrong, I am hoping and praying its all good stuff for awhile, but even the bad can be for the good in the end. You just never know, but surprisingly I think it's better that way.