I was not looking forward to today. I woke up and realized I was yet again going to sit under that little green tent at Loma Vista Memorial Lawn and bury another one of my babies. The dread, and anger and pain just pooled inside me. Part of me didn't even want to go, and the other half wanted to just get it over with so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Neither option seemed a good one. As I sat looking at where my son was to lay to rest, and seeing his big brother's and sister's headstones nearby I could do nothing but weep. I felt so broken, so angry that another of my little ones was lost to me. It wasn't fair I told God. Then our faithful funeral director (who knows us quite well now) said something that struck me. He said what gets him through hard times like this is he often thinks about the adventures his daughter (who he also lost early) will tell him she's had when he finally gets to meet her one day, and that he imagines Brennan and Evie and Noah will have adventures of their own together that I too will get to hear about one day. It was a different but wonderfully comforting thought that had never occurred to me before. Of course I always figured that all my children would be together in heaven; but I found actual delight in thinking that they can all have adventures together (like they would here, only much better because it's heaven of course), and I can hear all about them someday when we're reunited. It gave me a vision of sitting on a front porch with Bean, Brennan, Evie and Noah animatedly and elaborately sharing with me all they had experienced together.
Now I don't know if there are really front porches in heaven or not, but I do know that all my children are, and someday we will all be together again. There is comfort and even joy in this knowledge, and I look forward with great anticipation to the day when they can all tell me everything they've been up to while I've been away. It doesn't make me miss them any less here, but it does give me solace and something to look forward to.
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Heaven is even that much sweeter knowing someone is waiting to glory in the Lord with us. Thanks for sharing this. =)
ReplyDeleteThat was so beautiful.
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful picture! i think there are definitely front porches in heaven :) especially if that's what you are looking forward to!
ReplyDeleteI love that! I sure hope there are front porches in heaven... and I like to think that my brother is hanging out with your sweet babies in heaven. Definitely something to look forward to.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Andrea. Appropriately titled, we all have something to look forward to.
ReplyDeleteAndrea, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart ,your honest feelings-whatever they may be and your ponderings along your personal journey of faith. I am so touched to read your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLove, Erin
Andrea, Thank you for sharing--agree with all the comments above;your honesty, authenticity, and faith shows through the words; and never thought of the idea of front porches in heaven but hey, He goes before us,and preparing us a room in a mansion. I look forward to meeting your children in heaven.
ReplyDeleteI actually dreamt about that last night - that our three and your four would all be hanging out, waiting to tackle hug me when I got there!
ReplyDeleteI hope our porches have really wide swings, so we can swing with all our precious children at once!