I went to my very first support group meeting this week. I was really uncertain about going to one. I wasn’t sure how it would make me feel or if it would be any more helpful than a glass of wine and a good book, (or Christmas movie as has been the case this month). Never the less I attended Common Threads, (a group sponsored by the agency we’re adopting through, Bethany Christian Services), and I was very pleasantly surprised at what I found there. It was the same pain. It sounds dramatic for what it really is but it’s the best way I can think of to describe it. Here we were a group of people all experiencing different journeys of grief and disappointment, but arriving at the same place, the same point of pain.
It was like being instantly understood and accepted because each of us in one way or another had a common denominator, we all wanted and didn’t have children. Most were there due to fertility issues, none had buried a child like we had, and certainly not 3, but in all honesty who has? I thought I would feel like a freak, or that I wouldn’t (or they wouldn’t) be able to relate. But that wasn’t the case at all. It was quite the contrary actually. Here were couples, who were waiting, just like us; who were experiencing feels of loss, disappointment, fear, and isolation. For the first time I was in a whole room of people struggling with the same emotions, wrestling with the same frustration, and sharing with the same raw honesty I have found so beneficial. I felt so comforted, so safe…so understood. It didn’t matter that I joined this group under far different circumstances than most of them, because the reason we were there was the same one. We needed people in our lives that knew what “this life” felt like.
I have found you can have all the most wonderful friends and family, and plenty of encouragement around, and still feel so lonely. Like everyone else got an invitation to the party, and yours got lost in the mail. I am finding that as much as I love and appreciate everyone who has been so wonderful and encouraging to us, I needed to know at the end of the day I wasn’t the only who felt this way.
There’s something so healing and encouraging in finding common ground, in discovering companionship with others who know, the same pain.
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Andrea - I'm glad you found this group to attend. Although my circumstances are different, I, too, have found that support groups provide really powerful healing that can only be shared among people who share in that same pain. Thank you for continuing to blog through the pain. It's comforting to hear your words.
ReplyDeletePraying you have a blessed Christmas, Miss Andrea! I miss seeing you, friend. Tell Maisy I said hello! =)~